SO MY question is: How do we become the people we were meant to be? Where do we start? I believe the moment you begin to understand your truth and realize the beauty within you, you are already there. At this moment you begin to act from the heart, and magical things start happening. It doesn’t matter at what time of your life you decide to occupy yourself, you stand taller, your body moves differently, you begin to think and decide wisely and, although it’s a cliché, everything just feels right.
The only problem is that we typically carry around so much stuff—other people’s fixed ideas of who we are, and the beliefs we have (or were given) about what will make us happy. So the real issue isn’t how do we become who we are. It’s how do we gently stop being who we aren’t?
A lot of people consider me successful. During my athletic career as a competitive freediver, I broke seven South American records. When I retired from competition, I pursued a career as a clothing designer and within a couple of years my active wear collection was chosen for the runway at Toronto International Fashion week. Yes, I was excited about all that but it was confusing too. Deep inside none of it fired me up. I felt guilty for not wanting to pursue freediving or fashion design anymore after so much work and especially after my successes. Worst of all, I knew many people would love to be in my position.
When I got pregnant I found myself starting the maternity period with a big agenda. I was hoping that “all that time” would afford me an opportunity to find what I was really here for and especially what I wanted to do professionally. I thought that having a title, a new title, would be the answer. It seems like time became my worst enemy. Three years later I was still searching for whatever I was searching for. I felt lost, and started to feel guilty again, especially about my husband who was working so hard to give me all the time I needed to find what I wanted to do. It became an emotional roller coaster and I started to hide all my thoughts and feelings from everybody else. During this time I tried all of the things I liked doing. I undertook different projects, and I connected with people. I took off in a million different directions and backtracked a million times. And again, nothing clicked.
But you have to try things and make mistakes to find out who you aren’t. We are told that we should have an idea of what it is we want to do but the truth is, you have to try things to learn what you don’t want. You take the action and the insight follows. You can’t think your way into becoming yourself. It does happen, but it happens because you keep trying. “Before you can make a dream come true, you must first have one.” I read this quote by Ronald McNair, and it resonated with me immediately. I can tell you that if you are searching for who you are, you have to start with a goal/dream. What is it that you want? Who do you want to become? Make mental statements and the more you visualize it, the more you will believe it. It will start to come true, naturally. I don’t think I have completely defined who I am but I am on the right path and that feels perfect. I am married to the most amazing man I know who truly inspires, understands and appreciates me. My daughters are amazing, I live in a stunning place, and I am doing what I love professionally.
Searching can be a beautiful journey and you may discover great things about yourself.