What two weeks of silence taught Kirstin French

For two weeks this February, downtown business-owner Kirstin French took a vow of silence and started a slow probe into the inner recesses of her mind.

French runs Be Clean and Yoga Love and Meditation Boutique on Cleveland Avenue. This was the third time she had decided to cease all talk.

While the earlier two times were in retreat ceremonies where everyone went wordless together, this time she was in her shop downtown, which made the practice even more challenging and more revealing and fruitful too.

The withdrawal from words has opened a new window into her emotional nature, French says.

“I have an increased ability to observe my own behaviors while they are happening rather than inaccurately reflecting back on them at a later time,” French said.

Silence has given her a new realisation that words have an immense power to heal and hurt.

“As I monitored my own inner dialogue while maintaining silence, I was able to see hundreds of times where I might have engaged in unnecessary chatter, small talk and gossip,” she says.

Being silent while everyone talks is about as difficult as it sounds. It also involves some planning.

French enrolled one of her staff to be her filter, someone who she could refer people to if there was a need for words. She also had to change her normal routine, which means she didn’t eat out or go out to get coffee during these two weeks.

“I almost prepared all my meals from scratch and definitely put more time preparing lunches and it felt like I was practicing self-sufficiency while I was silent,” she says.

She also dons a T-shirt that says “I’m observing silence” to help people understand that her lack of words is a choice, not a condition.

Still, twice in two weeks she had to break her silence. Once, with a courier driver and the second time with a neighbour because she didn’t want to be seen as rude.

She first practised silence at a Vipassana meditation retreat in Merritt at a time when she was going through what she describes as “pretty monumental personal challenges”.

She was looking for a way to bring about a change, and silence seems to have helped.

“I came away feeling much deeper sense of peace and calmness. I also was able to see a lot of things that caused me to be upset and the anxiety and the worry that came with it” she says.

For those who want to try it, she says it requires some planning and patience. It may not be work for everyone, but anyone who tries will know more about who they really are.

Meanwhile, French says she would most likely take a break from words in the future. It has given her an intimate awareness of the power of words, and helped her ruminate on her mind and emotions.

“This is an awareness that has remained with me after my vow ended. I feel like I have more control over my thoughts now, which translates to more control over my words and actions,” she said.