Just over a dozen people gather at Tricksters Hideout, friendly conversation fills the room as people sip their drinks, treats from Purebread Bakery populate the table and cozy couches line the wall. It’s a typical Tuesday night, until you listen a bit closer… everyone is talking about death.
“It’s actually the opposite of sad and depressing,” said Ashling Amato, the founder of Squamish’s Death Cafe.
For almost ten years, Amato has been leading conversations about death as part of the global Death Cafe initiative. According to Amato, there are only three rules to be a part of a death cafe: everyone introduces themselves at the start, treats are on offer, and the topic of conversation is exclusively death.
“In ten years, the same conversation has never been had,” said Amato, who hosts the cafe meetings every four to six weeks, save for a break during the summer.
She explained they talk about everything from methods of final disposition, like aquamation, a more environmentally friendly alternative to cremation, to participants’ close encounters with death, to guest lectures from those working in palliative care.
Amato said she’s been fascinated by death since she was a child, but Death Cafe Squamish started after she attended Stephen Garrett’s guest lecture at Quest University. Garrett, a death doula, spoke about our unwillingness to talk about and accept death. Amato’s passion for hosting the death cafe comes from her wanting to normalize conversations around death.
“We’re so afraid of death that we are basically obsessed with it… everybody’s filling themselves up with Botox and trying to stay young… as opposed to aging gracefully and dying with dignity,” she said.
“I think the most important thing you can do for your loved ones is to make these plans and talk about your own death.”
Amato’s seen that advice taken to heart. One friend arrived at Death Cafe without a will, despite owning a home and having young children. A few months later, she came back having completed one, spurred on by the conversations at Death Cafe.
That kind of ripple effect is what keeps Amato coming back as a host. About half of attendees at any given meeting are first-timers, drawn in by curiosity. The other half are regulars who keep returning. As Amato puts it, there’s always something more to say.
The conversations have a way of spilling outside the room too. Many attendees have told Amato that after coming to Death Cafe, they finally felt equipped to bring the topic up with their own families.
“People said to me after they came to Death Cafe, they did have a talking point to bring up the topic with other people outside of that space,” she said.
This November marks the 10-year anniversary of Death Cafe Squamish, and Amato is planning a larger celebration to mark the occasion. Details are still being finalized, but updates will be posted to the Death Cafe Squamish pages on Facebook and Instagram.
In the meantime, the gatherings continue every four to six weeks at Tricksters Hideout through the fall and winter. Entry is free, though a skull-shaped piggy bank sits on the table for anyone who’d like to contribute toward the treats.
“When you really take a second to look at your own mortality,” Amato said, “it’s like, wow, but I’m not dead right now. I feel very much alive.”
