I found my dad!
This might sound funny to some but for me, it was my reality. I always knew my dad’s name was Michael Coughlin, and I had his picture.
I always talked about him in my prayers, thanking him for giving me life. I grew up in a different time. My mother was an indigenous woman and my dad was non-indigenous.
At that time in 1971, there were laws that if you married or had children with non-indigenous (Women’s Status Law) then you had to leave the community.
My mother briefly knew my dad and then they parted ways. But it was shortly after my dad left that my mother realized that she was pregnant. She never looked for him and there was no email, Facebook, or any social media at that time to find him.
She didn’t know how to spell his last name or what town he was born in.
My birth certificate said, “Father unknown”.
When I was a teenager, my friends and I would cold-call all the Coughlins in Alberta and Ontario because we were told to do so by a long-lost friend Rick Satore.
In fact, he was the one who brought my dad to Squamish to work at Squamish WoodFibre. There were many ways to spell Coughlin, so it was very hard. When Facebook came around, my best friend Corine joined many Coughlin reunion pages, asking people if they knew a Michael Coughlin. No luck!
Then I got a lucky break when I gifted myself an ancestry kit as a Christmas present in December 2019. It was well into January before I got the kit and sent my saliva back to Ancestry.com.
About eight weeks later, I got the results. I was surprisingly shocked to know I was Irish, Welsh, English and Scottish. I saw many second cousins with the last names I never knew. So I emailed them, about a dozen of second cousins, asking them if they knew a Michael Coughlin, even though I was unsure of how to spell his last name.
A lovely lady named Susan responded to me saying that her grandmother had a brother named Martin Coughlin (my paternal grandfather).
He had three children Patrick, Marlene and Michael. It was the first time I saw how to spell Coughlin correctly. Susan told me I should look in Kirkland Lake, Ontario, because my grandfather was put to rest there.
I went to Facebook, typed Michael Coughlin but there was nothing. Then, I typed Marlene Coughlin, Kirkland Ontario, and found my auntie, Marlene.
I went to her friends list and found a Joann Coughlin married to a Michael Coughlin. I tried for almost two weeks to contact either Marlene or Joann but nothing. I shared my frustration with a dear friend, Lisa, that I was so close but not getting anywhere. She asked me to go to Joann’s Facebook profile, from where I found her son who lives on Vancouver Island.
I messaged him asking if Joann was his mother and if Michael Coughlin was her husband, and if Marlene and Patrick were Michael’s siblings. He said yes!
I told him that I thought Michael was my biological dad, and he immediately called me saying that it would be crazy because his stepdad didn’t have any biological children.
I would be his only child!
My new-found stepbrother called his mother, Joann, and on May 30, my dad called me! He remembered my mother, and his good friend Rick. He was over the moon, and we talked for a few hours on FaceTime.
It was early in the morning and he said he would call again later that day, and he did. After I posted about this on Facebook, the outpouring of support and joy and happiness was amazing.
For the next few weeks, my dad and I talked every day. He was thrilled to say, “Kiss my grandbabies for me!” I planned a trip to Ontario, and I brought my three children, and my son’s girlfriend with me. We stayed for two-and-a-half weeks and on June 20, I met my dad in person.
This day was very monumental and I was reminded of my late grandfather on my mother’s side. His name was Norman Lewis and he was the one who raised me with all the morals and taught me our Skwxwu7mesh language.
He had passed away in my arms.
Twenty years later, the same day, I met my dad Michael Coughlin. He held me in his arms and said he was never letting go ever again. He never knew I existed but always felt he had a child out there. He was a miner and he was all over Canada in small mining towns his whole life.
That’s why I could never find him. His sister Marlene, my aunt, told me that I truly gave my dad purpose and completed him.
Dad had deep regrets about not settling down sooner and told me he had married a few times and never had children.
The time I spent with dad was life-changing and I finally saw how we were alike in many ways: Competitive, funny, compassionate and lovers of music and karaoke who loved singing and dancing to every song on the radio.
We traveled to meet lots of people, including my auntie Marlene and cousins who lived three hours away. We spent lots of time chatting, singing and truly bonding. It was sweltering hot there and we spent a lot of time at the many lakes in North Bay. We celebrated our first Father’s Day and that was so special.
Through the years, I always spoke of my dad, and it was surreal to spend the day together. I made my dad a shirt with my picture on it!
My dad told me if he knew me, he would have never left Squamish. He would have been at all my sporting events and milestones. I said I probably wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t been raised the way I was. My dad shared the same sentiment: Things happen for the best, the creator puts things in the order just the way they need to be.
I got to share my life, my childhood and then having my children, hardships, accomplishments, the work-life balance, the milestones and the relationships. It was a lot to talk about and share.
The best part was I felt like I always knew him. I was so comfortable, and we just had this undeniable connection. It was comforting to know he loves me, that he’s real and he is my dad!
We are planning a trip for my dad to come here to Squamish. We are thinking of starting a GoFundMe page because I used my savings to make the trip out to Ontario, and it was a significant expense.
We are aiming for him to be here by August and hoping he can spend a month here.
If someone is willing to help this to happen, I would greatly appreciate it.
I am just truly grateful. I felt the love from everyone I shared my story with.
I am so thankful I have my dad in my life!
Deanna Lewis is a councillor for Squamish Nation and has lived in Squamish her whole life.
Dorothy says
What a heartwarming story, I shed some tears.
Helga Hedderson says
Beautiful story. So happy for you.
I never met my dad… don’t even know who it was. My mom passed away two years ago and I never got to find out.
I hope your dad can make it here to spend time with you.
🙂
❤️🤗
francine says
Another amazing story made possible by a simple DNA test. No matter the risk if someone has any questions,the positive results I have seen come of it is we worth taking the chance. It reunite and that feels so good.
Just another great ending